Sex Drive

I am really starting to wonder why I see an Extenze commercial every two-and-a-half minutes every time I turn on my T.V. Is it a desperate attempt to get confused, impotent men to waste their money? Or maybe it really works, hence why they have been able to spend so much on advertising? Or maybe it's a sign from the Gods, laughing at my puny peeter? I really don't know.

And what's more, they now have Extenze commercials en Espanol. That's right. On the Spanish channels (Unfortunately, there's TWO of them.). I really couldn't get much from those commercials, but from what I gathered, Extenze makes you "mas grande."

I wonder what type of "grande." Is it like Taco Bell "grande?" Do I get a drink with my order of "grande?" Do I at least get to play the uber-cool "catch a quarter" game that they have in the stores, so I can possibly win a taco or bean burrito? No? Oh, well.

So, in case you haven't noticed (I didn't until a couple of days ago, seeing as I was trying NOT to notice), there's a new season of "Real Chance of Love." I guess they're making this because we didn't get the fucking point in Flavor of Love 1 and 2, four seasons of Rock of Love, I Love New York 1 and 2, and the other stupid-ass season of Real Chance of Love, where Chance pulled a shocker on us in the finale and turned homo on us.

Don't give me that " oh, the crazy ways of the heart" bullshit. If you have two hot chicks in front of you, and you don't want to fuck either of them, you are gay. End of story.

Seriously, that's at least TEN seasons of VH1 Reality shows about the same thing. Yet people still tune in, even though it has become as interesting to me as changing my socks (Actually, it was that interesting from the beginning).

It's amazing what these stupid sluts do to get a "semi-celebrity's" dick in their mouth. As long as the camera is rolling during the oral sex parade, everything is gravy.

These chicks are going after guys who are known solely because of the fact they managed to get themselves on a shitty reality T.V. show. Really? At least have some decency and stalk Orlando Bloom or something. For God's sake, Real and Chance are fugly. And stupid as hell, too.

But we are even lower than them because we choose to watch this.

Has our level of intelligence dropped so much that all we want to see is people fucking or dying? Is that what really grips us?

It is all your fault, Youth of America. Your sex drive rules everything in your little world. Just stick your schlong in the same-shaped hole. Most of us had a game with the same concept when we were about two years old, except it involved a circle, a star, and a square.

Why do we not crave to learn more, like the generations before us did? Oh, wait, I know. Because we're preoccupied checking our MySpace every minute-and-a-half to see if we got any new comments, taking an hour break every week so we can catch the new episode of Real Chance of Love.

I've come to realize that the stupid shit has got us so constipated that we really don't know what "smart" is anymore. Today, "smart" means double-bagging the garbage so it doesn't leak, or buying a big-ass remote so we never lose it, or using a fucking Sham-Wow.

You look at music today and it's the same thing. The songwriting is more predictable than my morning bowel movement. All of it is triggered towards horny teenagers, telling them to fuck whoever, whenever, wherever- regardless of the consequences.

I look at the retards that surround me, and it's no wonder that Palm Beach County is one of the biggest hot-spots for AIDS in America. Stupid, arrogant guys who think only with their dicks and complete sluts, who let guys do as they please to them and screw a bunch of people just because their friends do it too.

Shit is out of control. A few days ago on the news, I saw a story about a pregnant twelve-year-old girl that is missing. Everybody else in the world must have thought "Oh, that's so sad."

Not me. Only one thought screamed out at me: "WHY THE FUCK IS A TWELVE-YEAR-OLD PREGNANT?"

I was just starting to figure out what the hell sex really was when I was twelve. I probably hit puberty maybe two years before that at the most.

Really, young people. Can you answer me one question: When did it become the status quo, or "cool" seeing as you're probably too dumb to know what "status quo" means, to be completely uneducated? The stupidity that we've reached goes beyond the word "uneducated." It needs to be filed under "retarded."

Please help me out with this one. I'm too confused and upset. I'm going to sleep.